Our daughter knows that it is very important to speak up in life. After all if you want to accomplish something, move forward, be taken seriously, have your opinions heard, or just not get walked all over you have to speak up. I learned this very important lesson from my mother. She grew up to be seen and not heard and decided early on that I would be encouraged and allowed to speak up. As a result, I was encouraged to speak up and over time learned this lesson well, sometimes to my parent’s dismay.

While it occasionally caused problems at home with me always having an opinion, it came in handy when I was dating or when I had a problem with a store. Part of learning to speak up is knowing what you believe in. At a most basic level it is what your principles are.

Principles are defined as a basic truth, a rule or standard of personal conduct or a moral or ethical standard. Having principles is a good thing. Otherwise one can fall to the winds of peer pressure. One of my Mom’s sayings when she wanted to make this point usually went something like, “Just because Jenny jumped in the lake, would you do it to?”

As parents we try to impart certain principles, such as no stealing, respecting family, no smoking, no bullying, sharing, dressing modestly, etc. We hope that our children embrace these principles so that when we are not present they will not follow “Jenny into the lake” and get into trouble.

Our daughter is very kind hearted and as a result, we have worked to teach her that being kind does not mean not listening to her intuition or allowing herself to get walked all over or pushed around. This has been a serious mission for me, particularly, because I often see women who are so afraid to speak up they won’t even ask for directions to a bathroom in a store just because they don’t want to bother someone.

While I don’t believe one needs to be a bully or pushy to convey their point, I do think that everyone has the right to respect. As such, one has the right to speak up. So, when a child in our daughter’s martial arts class took an intentional kick below the belt to hurt our daughter, I insisted she speak up even though she was afraid the other kid would get in trouble. In the end, the other child was just watched more closely and our daughter learned she must speak up.

Recently, when a conflict arose with one of her friends she felt she could not tell her friend what she thought otherwise it would hurt her friend’s feelings. And so, we taught our daughter what we quickly and brilliantly dubbed the “Principle Lesson”.

The “Principle Lesson” begins with the premise that one has principles that they live by. One such principle might be no stealing. Using this principle imagine one day you are out with your friends and they tell you they are going to steal something from the store. You do nothing about it. You do not act on your principles. The friend steals some items, gets into the car with you, you drive off and the police shortly thereafter pull you over. While you would also be held legally responsible because you knew prior to the criminal act, you would have also violated your principle.

The truth is, as we explained to our daughter during an outdoor homeschooling moment on the patio, if you follow your principles you most likely will not get into trouble. If you don’t know what your principles are you will cave in to peer pressure. (Yes, homeschoolers have peer pressure also, just not as severely.) If you don’t know what your principles are you will fall for anything. We reminded her that not standing up for her principles only hurts her. Then we explained she must decide now, before she gets into an awkward or dangerous situations, what her principles are so that she will be able to act on them quickly and not have to think.

Otherwise, as my Mom taught me you might not only get soaking wet following Jenny into the lake but you might end up in some real trouble that could be life changing, like following Jenny to jail.