Alright, if you have ever homeschooled officially a day in your life, you WILL get asked this question. So, how do you answer it?

“Of course not, our children have never met, talked or played with anyone else in the world in their entire life.” Can’t you just see the person looking at you with piercing eyes and their mouth gaping open?

When we first began homeschooling, I always felt like I had to explain what we did. After all, we were new and weren’t really looking for confrontation. So, in the early years, I used the “Let me explain” position about socialization. With this position I would dutifully explain how many opportunities our daughter had between religious, Girl Scout, neighborhood, friendships and homeschool support groups to socialize. As I would rattle them off, they would get quiet and politely say, “That’s nice.”

That used to infuriate me because I had just spent my time giving a great explanation. because it appeared they cared. I quickly learned they did not really care; they just felt uncomfortable with us homeschooling. Often they wanted to throw out that problem as the justification to why they did not homeschool.

As the years progressed and I became more confident my approach changed. Through many readings about socialization I came across what I will dub the “What is socialization?” position. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the author. In this position, my conversation with someone posing this question usually went something like this.

Clerk: “But aren’t you worried about your daughter getting socialization?” Lisa: “Well, that’s an interesting question, how do you define socialization?” Clerk: Dumbfounded expression Lisa: “I mean, do you define socialization as getting together with other kids of her same age or do you mean interacting and socializing with people of all ages?” Clerk: Still a dumbfounded expression Lisa: “Well, if you mean does get time together with kids her same age, then the answer is yes she gets to socialize with them. For me though, I don’t define socialization as getting together with kids her same age. To me socialization is learning how to interact with folks of all ages. After all, last I checked you don’t work only with 32 year-olds. Right?” Clerk: “No, I work with all ages.” Lisa: “Well, of course. No one is society works or lives with people all the same age. They are all different ages and we still consider that socializing. So, what is the purpose for socialization?” Clerk: “For them to learn from the other kids.” Lisa: “What are they supposed to learn from the other kids? The other kids can’t teach the subjects they don’t know to my daughter who also doesn’t know them. I mean honestly what can a 5 year-old teach another 5 year-old, how to have a tantrum when they don’t get what they want?” Clerk: Dumbfounded expression Lisa: “So, the answer to your initial question if you are using my definition is actually yes. My daughter interacts with just children of her age and she also interacts with people of all ages. From those older than her she learns something and from those younger than her she teaches them something and learns too. And she does this in a real environment not one artificially created.” Clerk: “Oh”

Recently, I heard a presentation by a father talking about socialization. In this “Sex, drugs and rock-n-roll” socialization position, their answer was no, their children did not socialize. When the person looked surprised the father pointed out that their child missed the opportunity to socialize with kids doing drugs, alcohol and having sex with many partners. Then the father pointed out that they were fine that their kids did not socialize like that.

The truth is that no matter how you answer most likely the person asking doesn’t care. In some cases they ask out of curiosity because there is the myth that homeschooled kids don’t get to socialize. On rare occasions the person asking is considering homeschooling and is trying to make a decision. More often then not, the person asking has probably thought about homeschooling at some point, never got all the answers, discounted homeschooling because they were unsure and decided to throw out the homeschooling option with the question.

As for me, I’m thinking about taking the position, “Of course not, our children have never met, talked or played with anyone else in the world in their entire life!” After all, why spend my time trying to open a closed mind.