If you have a two year-old, are they experiencing their terrible or terrific twos? If you don’t have a two year-old take a moment and think back to this time. If you ask most parents or read anything about two year-olds everything seems to be negative. In fact you would think there is a special entity called the two year-old monster. But the question is this: Is the two year-old really terrible or is your approach to them terrible?

Let’s face it we have all had our perceived perfect days. Close your eyes and imagine your perfect day. You know the one I am talking about where you get everything done you set out to do. Nothing goes wrong, the weather is great and you even get a couple extra things accomplished that you had on your to do list for sometimes.

Now close your eyes and imagine your worst day. Close your eyes and imagine everything going wrong. You know the type of day where everything is a crisis, nothing goes right, you get nothing done and even the weather is horrible.

So, what is the difference between the two. While I would agree that some of it is outside of your control, such as the weather, much of it is within your control. The single factor that you have complete control over in each situation is your perception and thereby your approach. I’ll share a story.

A couple months prior to my husband and I marrying we purchased a house. We worked on it in preparation for our wedding and for us to live there. The day of our wedding, I had my bridesmaids there preparing. Our wedding flowers were in our basement because it was cooler there. As my sister showered, I went to get the flowers and found water coming out of a pipe into the basement. After I grabbed trash cans and buckets to catch the water, I ran up and told my sister she had to end her shower because water was coming out in the basement. She got out and I called my husband-to-be. During that time, the toilet got flushed and backed up, among other challenges that ensued that morning before even getting to the church. Needless to say, I had planned for a leisure bridal preparation that did not include mopping up toilet water like Cinderella.

Yet, the funny thing is when I look back over my life, my wedding day is definitely one of my highlights. We pledged our love to each other, got married, enjoyed family and friends and had a terrific day together, even if the priest referenced our water challenges in her sermon. So, why wasn’t my wedding day ruined? Why, because of my perception and approach to the challenges that cropped up on our wedding day.

The same thing goes for two year-olds. If you keep saying in your mind that my child is in the terrible twos, you will not only speak it into existence but you will approach every interaction with your child as though it is a terrible experience. On the other hand, if you only use terrific, as my husband thankfully insisted we do with our daughter, to describe your two year-old then you will have a terrific experience. You will approach your interactions with a positive attitude which will allow you to recognize the good in each experience.

With this approach you will realize that your child is not trying to be terrible but rather understand boundaries. They want to see if you are serious, and see if you really love them, since boundaries equal love to children. This doesn’t mean that you need to yell or freak out to establish boundaries rather they just need calm consistency and a reminder of what the outcome will be should they make particular decisions.

So, whether you have a two year-old, a teen or a spouse remember that your perception of them and the approach you employ to interact with them will determine how positive or negative your experience will be.