Growing up as a military brat, I learned about different ranks. In the military ranks and officers versus non-commissioned officers was a class system unto itself. While I understood the different ranks, what was and was not allowed because of my father’s rank and how they interacted, I never personalized his rank for myself.

Many children I knew often “wore their fathers’ rank”, meaning they felt they were entitled to certain rights because of what rank their father was in the military. I, on the other hand, rarely mentioned my father’s rank. After all, it was HIS rank not mine. This caused more than one argument with a so-called friend who felt they had the right to know my father’s rank so they could know whether they could be my friend.

This position of dealing with military ranks was endorsed by my parents. My mother had a saying that when my father came home, he left his rank at the door and was simply our father. And so it went as I grew up.

Over the years, I am sure there are people who you have felt intimidated by, either because of their title, position in society or some other factor. While I sometimes recognized these differences, rarely did they affect me. Why? Because my mother had a saying that I still can hear echoed in my head. If I would mention a concern about speaking to someone she would quickly reply, “Don’t worry, they all wipe their butts the same way.” Let’s just say it puts things quickly in perspective if you imagine everyone taking care of their restroom business the same way. In a succinct way she conveyed that we are all ultimately the same, human beings. No one is inherently better than another.

It always amazes me how many people are afraid to speak up for their position or belief because they are afraid they will make someone else uncomfortable or make themselves uncomfortable should there be a confrontation. As a result, people do nothing. They let other people make decisions that will affect their lives. Sometimes they don’t feel they are entitled to speak up while at other times they feel intimidated because of a person’s title or status in society.

After having our daughter I became very involved in legislative work. It involved much time and regular visits to both Congress and our State Capitol. On many occasions our daughter would accompany me, with her earliest legislative experience when she was less than 2 years old. One particular time stands out. I was scheduled to do a television interview and had to meet the crew at the capitol but because it was short notice, I had our daughter with me. I brought along a pack of her favorite animal crackers and a juice box as a treat and prayed that these treats would keep her occupied for several minutes while I did the interview.

As I set up our daughter in a secure area with her cookies and juice box, she watched my interview. While I did the interview, unbeknownst to me a Representative came over and sat next to our daughter. The Representative apparently struck up a conversation with our daughter. It turned out that while I was doing my interview our daughter, who was about five, told the Representative her opinion on certain legislative matters, which she had overheard me discuss.

The Representative was a bit taken back that she was being informed by a five year-old about what she should do legislatively but she did note that our daughter was quite pleasant and polite. While I never officially taught our daughter that “everyone wipes their butt the same way” she had learned that no one was above anyone else. Through my actions, she learned to speak up and have her voice heard, even if she was just five. She was not intimidated by the woman’s position and she has continued to voice her opinions.

So, the next time you contemplate whether to speak up or deal with someone that intimidates you, just close your eyes and imagine them going to the bathroom. After all, as my mother taught me, “They all wipe their butts the same way.” Then take a deep breath and calmly, clearly speak your mind.