This spring though, our patience began to wear thin with some of the neighborhood kids. Several of the boys decided to harass our daughter while she played in our backyard. The harassment included provoking and inappropriate language and exposing their chests while describing themselves as “sexy” to our daughter. Might I say, they are thirteen and our daughter is merely eight.

While my husband and I confronted the boys and told them to leave our daughter alone, their harassment continued. Part of the challenge was that she was concerned with hurting their feelings to which we repeatedly pointed out that they didn’t care about her feelings. Another part of the challenge was they would always run whenever my husband or I would come out. So, we decided that we needed to assist her in figuring out how to handle the situation.

As a woman, my suggestion was to ignore them. Let’s face it sometimes members of the opposite sex can be inappropriate and rude. Arguing with them will not teach them but rather it will egg them on to continue. While ignoring them takes away the pleasure for them of knowing they were annoying. My husband explained how boys generally think and agreed that ignoring them would be the best approach.

Then it occurred to me, this would be a great opportunity for her to learn from others. So, we gave her an assignment. She was to think of five women whose opinion she valued and ask them the following questions. 1. Had you ever been harassed by boys when you were a girl? 2. How did you handle it when they would tease or harass you? 3. Have you ever been harassed by a man as a woman?

She set out over the next weeks to discover the answers. Each time a brief explanation was given about the situation and she asked the women if they minded answering a few questions. In every situation, the women (all either friends or family) were pleased to be consulted.

While the answers varied the most common response given was to just walk away, ignore them and get your parent if it continued. One suggested that perhaps our daughter should tell the boys that if the boys were so “sexy” then they wouldn’t be picking on her because they would have a girlfriend. Another explained that she would slam the boy harassing her against a locker when she was in school! The most learning occurred during each discussion.

One good friend is the only female in her house. As she took time for our daughter her husband and son looked at her differently during the discussion as they realized that she was a woman not just one of the guys. Our daughter learned different ways of handling these boys. She realized this would be a situation she may confront at different times in her life and it was good to stand up for herself. She sought different opinions and thoughtfully analyzed each response. She learned that it is good to consult different people who may have expertise in an area and learned different communication skills.

In the end, after another incident which my husband was not present for, I made it clear to the boys that they were not welcome to step foot on our property again or to speak to our daughter. I also made it clear that should they violate either of those rules, the next call would be to the police and an officer would be speaking with them and their parents. From this, our daughter learned that it is ok for a woman to be firm and contact the police if necessary. Needless to say, it was a quieter summer. Thank goodness!